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If you’ve been thinking that the Selfish Seamstress has been a little scarce in these parts as of late, I would say that’s pretty accurate. Apparently all of the students at my university expect me to “educate” them, my research lab expects me to “mentor” them, and my colleagues expect me to “collaborate” with them. I ask you – do any of these words sound like things that Professor Selfish would actually do?? Grumble. So, things I haven’t had much time for:
- Sewing
- Reading and commenting on your sewing blogs
- Writing on my own sad, stagnating sewing blog
Things I do somehow manage to find time for (other than the aforementioned grudging educating, mentoring, and collaborating):
- Buying fabric
- Resenting stuff
So now that these appear to be my two main free time hobbies, I am in the fortunate position to be able to combine these two passions through my newest Selfish Seamstress Nemesis: Ann of Gorgeous Fabrics, aka “Gowachuss Nemesis,” “Fab-ri-licious Nemesis,” “Hawt Nemesis.” Ha, that’s right, Ann, I’m turning your own idiosyncratic spellings right back on you!
“Oh, Selfish!” you might protest, “Not Ann! She’s such a positive, life-affirming soul, and gives such great, friendly customer service! How could you ever make an enemy of Ann?” Don’t let her fool you. She made an enemy of me first. Let’s face it, the woman’s a pusher, a sneaky temptress. She reels you in with enticing patterns and colors, and next thing you know, you’re hitting refresh on her “new arrivals” page 20, 30, 40 times a day. You’re looking at it first thing when you wake up and second-to-last thing before you go to bed (last thing, obviously, being saying a little prayer that she doesn’t post anything too amazing while you are asleep that gets all bought up before you wake up.)
Sure, I could treat this like any ordinary nemesis post and go on and on about her gorgeous silk Pippa dress, or her closetful of let-me-show-off-my-couture-sewing-skills Chanel jackets, seething with envy all the while. But I think you’ll get a better feel for just how powerful a foe this woman is if you check out her designer fabric page while simultaneously staring into the face of pure fabric-pushing evil:
That warm, dazzling smile, that chic haircut, that stunning dress … shudder. I have chilling flashbacks of typing in my billing address just looking at her. And even more dangerous – do not underestimate the ways in which Ann can mess with your head and turn you into your own worst enemy just by adding new stuff to her store. She makes me like things I didn’t think I liked (florals??), she makes me want things I didn’t think I wanted (charmeuse??), and lastly she makes me buy things that I don’t need (silk??). No, no, actually, I do need them. Like this forsythia print Milly silk charmeuse that makes one long for spring in the dead of winter. Absolute necessity and haha, sold out, suckas!
She knows what she’s doing too, that crafty, crafty Ann. I thought I had won this one. I resisted it until it sold out. She got another bolt, and still I resisted, remembering my shame from the last time I binged on her silk supplies. And then, sensing my strength decaying, she delivered her perfectly timed shot – a sale. My resistance crumbled like a week-old cookie, and that was that. Two more yards in my shopping bag. She won. (Sigh, she won again earlier this week with another sale during which I succumbed to two pieces of black stretch leather. She knows she’s the only person on the whole internet who sells stretch leather by the piece, and she wielded that silently over my head like a giant, lethal seam ripper.)
And so, what of it then? What did this wicked woman drive me to next? I’ll tell you: Vogue 1236, the DKNY blouson dress.
Given how precious few my sewing hours are these days (I actually finished this a week ago, but didn’t have time to photograph and post), I figured I would opt for something very simple so that I could actually finish it. Vogue 1236 is indeed delightfully simple, but the pleats at the neckline make it far from boring, and very on-trend in the silhouette. It also doesn’t require a precise fit, which made it a lot easier to put together in my few scraps of sewing time. But, like many of the DKNY patterns, it starts at size 8, which meant I had to grade down 2 sizes, and that’s sort of time-consuming. Plus, my choice of silk charmeuse made everything take three times as long because my clumsy fingers aren’t good at cutting, pinning, and stitching slippery, drapey fabric that changes shape when you so much as look at it. But I managed:
Argh. I’m showing this one so you can have a better front view of the dress, but only reluctantly because I hate when photos make me look like I have an enormous balloon head, and teeny tiny freaky rubber hands! What is it about photos that make my hands so small??
I ended up using the wrong side of the fabric, because I liked the matte side better, and I thought it might be more appropriate for work, unshiny and tucked under a cardigan. The bonus is that the silky slippery side is against my skin, which feels all kinds of posh.
Other than the grading down, I didn’t make any significant changes. I did French seams on the sides, and I used a different method of attaching the facing than the one recommended in the instructions. (The method in the instructions leaves little openings that you close with hand stitching, but I opted for my usual version that lets you do the whole thing by machine and in my opinion gives a more consistent finish.) I also omitted the pockets because having them would be a temptation to put stuff in them, which probably isn’t a great idea for a light, floaty, delicate dress.
Here’s a close up on the front pleats, which take on a nice, fluid softness rendered in the charmeuse:
So I guess something good came out of my little losing battle with Selfish Seamstress Nemesis Ann. Sure, she’s going to keep posting irresistible fabrics faster than I can sew them (especially these days) and sure, I’m going to keep buying them faster than I can sew them. But a new dress in an absolutely gowachuss forsythia print silk is still a tiny little victory that I’m going to savor. Take that, Nemesis!
It’s been a long time since I’ve done battle with a new nemesis. No, it isn’t that I’ve been so busy beating up on classic nemeses like Yoshimi or Lauriana, nor have I been too amiable or cheerful to make new enemies. Quite simply, for the last couple of months there just hasn’t been all that much new evil going around. Just lots of happy sewing on everyone’s part. No real need for warfare.
Or so I thought. My relationship with new Selfish Seamstress Nemesis Tasia, a.k.a. “Gimme that Coat Nemesis,” started out like my relationships with anyone else. Diplomatic. She’d leave a cheerful comment here and there on my blog, and I would think to myself, “Excellent. Another worshipper at the holy shrine of the Selfish Seamstress. How can I use this one to my advantage?” And one day I clicked on her link and noticed… her blog looked sort of threatening with its wonderfully capable sewing and delightful fabric choices and handy tips. Hmmm.
At first I didn’t worry. After all, Sewaholic.net has only been up for a handful of months. And with a mere dozen or so followers, it seemed unlikely that Tasia would be able to assemble much of an army. But she kept posting and kept posting… more and more jealousy-inducing garments and goodies, and the next thing I knew there were 27 followers! Clearly she was growing more powerful by the day and was gearing up for battle with the innocent and peace-loving Selfish Seamstress.
And then one day when the Selfish Seamstress was minding her own business, the belligerent Tasia launched her attack…
KABOOM!
This one landed smack in the middle of the Selfish Seamstress’s humble home on the web. The Selfish Seamstress was knocked off of her dainty little pointe shoes when Tasia left a link to her stunning turquoise coat in the Selfish Seamstress’s comments! It was on. And Tasia started it. And to make matters worse, Tasia went on the offensive with some of the most powerful sewing artillery known to woman: Covet. Yes, she attacked relentlessly with massive rounds of covet, and now the Selfish Seamstress can’t stop dreaming about her own turquoise Lady Grey from Collette Patterns coat!
Something needed to be done. So the Selfish Seamstress made her way over to Tasia’s turf to scope out the enemy, and there she was ambushed! By gorgeous choices of colors and prints whipped up into drool-inducing garments that no one would ever guess were home sewn unless they knew about Tasia’s powerful skills:
KABOOM!
Not only did she break out some massive covet with this one, she doesn’t even say what the pattern is. You don’t even have the chance to fight back.
KABOOM!
This covet is nearly unforgivable- not only does it take advantage of the Selfish Seamstress’s weakness for a vintage-inspired watercolor floral, but it actually FORCED the Selfish Seamstress to go out and buy the Cynthia Steffe Vogue 1174 pattern herself. Argh!
And finally, KABOOM!
Truly evil and inspired! A print that the Selfish Seamstress wouldn’t give a second thought to on the bolt, but Tasia in all of her wicked genius saw its potential not only for a beautiful dress but also its potential to use this fabric to make the Selfish Seamstress very very covetous indeed! And of course, the Selfish Seamstress will never be able to find this same fabric- a double blow dealt by Tasia to Selfish’s already weak defenses.
Readers, I am warning you about Tasia NOW for your own good. If she’s come after me, you can be sure that she’s got her sights set on you next and you’d better be prepared. Like I said, at the moment, her blog is young and her army of followers is still a manageable bunch, but she’s talented and ruthless, as can be seen by her bold and daring color choices. She’s going to keep posting and winning hundreds of loyal followers if she keeps it up. Plus she’s so darn cute. You’d better head over to sewaholic.net and find out just what you’ll be up against, and maybe launch an attack of your own against Tasia!
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“Hey, while you’re at it, |
Check out the Selfish Seamstress Store for haiku goodies- proceeds will be donated to St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital.
The Selfish Seamstress thought she’d be taking a little hiatus from hatred. She thought all major foes had been brought to your attention and she’d have a little breather before a new enemy appeared on the horizon. (Well, except that she did shatter several dishes last week when she discovered that Nemesis JuebeJue had started her own sickeningly adorable and helpful sewing blog.) Suffice it to say, she didn’t account for another possibility- the re-emergence of an old nemesis!
Selfish Seamstress Nemesis Myk, a.k.a. “Inspirational Nemesis,” has been on the Selfish Seamstress’s radar for years now, but had been relatively quiet in recent months before exploding back on the BurdaStyle scene a couple of days ago, reawakening new fears in the Selfish Seamstress. Despite the fact that Myk sews under several aliases, the Selfish Seamstress managed to keep an eye on her and her increasingly threatening sewing and design skills. Why is Myk such a dangerous enemy? I’ll explain.
1) When I first became aware of Myk, she seemed like your all-around skillful hobby seamstress, with a good eye for fabrics and an ability to take your average BurdaStyle pattern and turn it into a pretty garment, like this Tara top:
Pretty, right? At the time, I admired the top but felt no fear. I thought to myself, “That’s a cute top. Maybe someday I’ll be able to sew well with silky fabrics like that.” She made me trust her, she made me like her. And once I did, she brought out the terrifyingly brilliant design skills:
Argh! Look at that brilliant detailing, the way the fabric is molded so beautifully over the model’s figure. Clearly she set me up to think she was just your average talented home seamstress, when she was actually a powerful sewing and design force in the making.
2) If you are snorting with envy at that innovative bodice, you’re not going to like what comes next. Myk is a fabric artist. She thinks of things that haven’t been done before and incorporates them into gorgeous clothing. Who needs to copy the runway when you can come up with new ways of manipulating fabric like these?
Seriously, has anyone ever made anything so artistic and sexy that incorporated a flamingo before?
3) If you have any pinch of selfish seamstress to your character, you are writhing in jealousy right now. How could anyone be so clever? How could anyone find so many new and nifty things to do with fabric and incorporate them into clothing that looks incredibly chic rather than like an arts and crafts project? I hate to kick you when you’re down, but I have to tell you, it gets worse. Much worse. Myk’s work is not only beautiful on the outside, it’s beautiful on the inside as well. The only thing is, there’s no telling which is the inside and the outside WHEN YOU CAN MAKE THINGS F$@#*ing REVERSIBLE. And I’m not talking about a simple cape or wrap skirt either. We’re talking about some serious, planet-threatening design and engineering skill:
Yep, that’s ONE coat. Modeled twice by the gorgeous Myk herself. Oh, and in case you thought it might be a fluke, here’s another:
I know, right? Who knew that the woman behind that cute little Tara top could be capable of this kind of sewing warfare?
4) Finally, Myk has wound up majorly on the Selfish Seamstress’s bad side (though it’s questionable whether the Selfish Seamstress has a good side, or even a less-bad side) on account of the fact the Selfish Seamstress can’t help but want to emulate Myk and her brilliant designs. Remember the Selfish Seamstress’s old Hepburn-inspired sheath dress? Did she get the idea from watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s? NO. She got the idea from Myk, and her adorable babydoll styled version. Sigh.
Myk is a threat to all of our sewing security. Anyone else feeling pretty insecure right now? And I’m pretty sure she’s on the offensive. In addition to posting her works of sartorial genius on her blog, she’s also opened an Etsy shop so she further expose the world to her dangerous sewing and design skills! Arm yourself with knowledge, readers. Go visit those sites to make sure you know what we’re up against. And maybe pick up one of her gorgeous custom-made creations for yourself while you’re at it.
It’s been a little while since the Selfish Seamstress has introduced any new nemeses here, but it’s not for lack of enemies. In fact, the Selfish Seamstress makes new enemies every day- at the supermarket, at work, on public transit (I’m looking at you, headphones girl who thinks her bag needs its own seat!) But it takes a little more than just being a jerk to rise to the status of Selfish Seamstress nemesis. No no, a nemesis has to be pure evil. And no one is more obviously evil than new Selfish Seamstress Nemesis Juebejue, a.k.a. Tiny Nemesis, a.k.a. Photogenic Nemesis. Terrified yet? Have a look into the face of PURE EVIL:
I know, right? 4’11” of terrifying! Surely there is only one creature on this earth more hideous and scary than Juebejue:
*SHUDDER* Okay, for those of you brave souls who have managed to get this far without closing your browsers in fright and disgust, I have to tell you, IT GETS WORSE. Oh yes, she’s also got ridiculously bad taste and makes hideous, hideous garments that only a monster like her would ever want to wear. I’ll explain:
1) Juebejue makes things that the no one, especially the Selfish Seamstress, would ever be caught dead wearing.
That’s her rendition of BurdaStyle’s Madison dress. UNCOVETABLE. Look at the ridiculous drapey collar. Who would ever want to wear a face and shoulder framing collar that falls into graceful folds like that? Certainly not the Selfish Seamstress, and especially not in a sophisticated stupid brown like that. And those perfectly sewn dumb slant pockets? Pure classy chic idiocy.
Here’s another lame garment that I would NEVER EVER want to wear. This perfectly-fitting stupid hooded coat. Everyone knows that it’s SUPER EASY for extremely petite women to find coats that fit perfectly, so why would I ever covet Juebejue’s crappy, hip-length jacket with perfect topstitching in the perfect neutral gray with its inspired and adorable big buttons? YUCK. (Side note: Also, why would I covet her ugly perfect smile with its dumb perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth? Whatever.)
2) Juebejue manages to take BurdaMag patterns that are reasonably nice and make an absolute mess of them. For example, the casual dress with pleated bodice from the June 2009 issue, a cute pattern by any standard- look at the nightmare that Juebejue concocted with it:
Are there even words to express how craptacular those immaculately done pleats are, and how stupidly elegant this looks in her foolishly inspired choice of black linen? And please don’t get me started on the lame, adorable knee boots with this one. And here’s another of her Burda failures:
Yep, it’s the ruffle georgette blouse from the 8.2009 issue, another elegant and flattering screwup from Juebejue. The Selfish Seamstress in fact tried this pattern herself and failed miserably so she can almost (almost!) sympathize with Juebejue for wanting to wear this gorgeous, graceful blush pink piece of crap. (And if I’m not mistaken, she’s pairing it with a denim Kasia from BurdaStyle, another sleek and chic example of the brilliantly-fitting lameness that ensues when Juebejue gets near her sewing machine.)
And another Burda-pattern-gone-wrong, this crossover front print dress with contrast midriff that looks like Juebejue bought it for hundreds of dollars at a boutique. A CRAPPY boutique. Hrmph. Yet another garment of hers that I SO DO NOT covet. [And there’s that smile again, the one I could never ever envy on account of it being so darn fugly! In fact, I am busy NOT envying it this very moment.)
3) Another thing that makes Juebejue so disgusting and horrifying (if you haven’t already picked up on it) is the fact that all of the photographs of her in her hideous handmade garments are just SO INCREDIBLY BAD with their yucky perfect soft lighting and sharp focus and lovely dumb framing. Word on the street is that all of the photographs are taken by her fiancé, which suggests that he, like Juebejue, also lacks creative skill and good taste. Some examples (close your eyes if you’re prone to nightmares):
Now I know that some of you may be thinking that the Selfish Seamstress is being awfully harsh to publicly mock and humiliate the fiancé of one of her nemeses, and that it’s not fair to do so even when the nemesis in question is as gross as Juebejue, but trust me on this one. I have it on very good authority that he gives Juebejue stuff like cashmere fabric, dressforms, and embroidery machines for her birthday and holidays, so obviously any seamstress would agree that he sounds just as bad as she is.
4) Finally, Juebejue is on my shizzlist because SHE STARTED IT. That’s right- Juebejue has been out to take down the Selfish Seamstress for years. Maybe she’s jealous because the Selfish Seamstress has a whole lofty inch on her in terms of height (Ha! That’s right, I’m a doctor-confirmed 60″ in height, so suck on that, 59″ Juebejue!) Whatever the case may be, I have strong evidence to indicate that Juebejue is out to get me. How do I know? Quite simply, she uses MY OWN PATTERN against me! She took my nice, basic Coffee Date Dress original free pattern, and twisted it into this horrible violet ombre satin party-perfect monstrosity:
Ha. No, I DON’T wish I had thought of it first. And NO, I don’t think it’s a sassy and fun improvement on my original, sedate beige rendition. She’s using my own sewing against me! Evil. Evil indeed. No doubt about it, Juebejue fights dirty.
Juebejue doesn’t have a sewing blog (yet), but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still hate on her publicly. You can see more of her misguided sewing efforts on her BurdaStyle profile and write mean comments on her wall! Take her down, girls!
If it’s Monday, or any other day of the week, that must mean that the Selfish Seamstress is not good at making friends. It’s therefore time for her to unveil her latest foe: Lauriana, a.k.a. “Mad Skills Nemesis,” a.k.a. “Innovative Nemesis.”
The Selfish Seamstress has to admit, she is terrified of this latest nemesis. Unlike nemesis Yoshimi, Lauriana has not hurled insults at the Selfish Seamstress from every angle. Unlike nemesis Peter, Lauriana has not started a blog solely intended to destroy the Selfish Seamstress. However, the Selfish Seamstress feels the need to warn her readers of the very dangerous and wicked Lauriana, as she strongly suspects that Lauriana is possessed by evil demons, as only the occult could explain her supernatural genius and fear-inducing talent. Now, I know what you’re thinking: the Selfish Seamstress has gone too far, accusing another home seamstress of being the tool of evil spirits. But I think you will understand the need to elevate Lauriana to Selfish Seamstress Nemesis status once you see the evidence of the kind of talent and brilliance that could only result from some serious soul selling:
1) Lauriana can draft like nobody’s business. In fact, as far as I can tell, Lauriana has barely touched a pattern not of her own hand in years. Oh sure, the Selfish Seamstress has been known, with copious amounts of time, effort, and scrap fabric, to draft up a very simple dress or skirt. But Lauriana drafts like a fiend – a clear indication that very black magic is involved. Why bother with commercial patterns when you can conjure up everything better yourself? White flowy blouse? Sure, why not?
Jeans that are beyond chic? Whatever.
Jacket that would make Jackie O. jealous? Child’s play for Lauriana and her mystical powers.
2) Lauriana is so innovative, only the supernatural can account for it. Her ideas are brilliant in a way that can only be explained by madness, and she realizes them flawlessly. When I think about what the inside of Lauriana’s head must look like, I imagine there’s a big cabinet in there and it’s sort of like the Vogue pattern drawers with some Patrones stuffed in there too, with all of the boring and ugly stuff taken out and a little witchcraft thrown in. Seriously. You give her a big old leather jacket, and she cuts it up into bits to make a sleek new one:
The girl acquires a serger, and immediately starts breaking all of the rules to gorgeous, suspicion-inducing results like this (surely if one were not possessed by evil, creativity-breeding spirits, one would start with a simple t-shirt, no?):
And only a mad, devil-possessed genius could come up with this wonderful skirt detail, right??
3) The most incontrovertible evidence that Lauriana is extremely dangerous and powerful: she has mastered the print in the most maddening and enemy-making way imaginable. While the Selfish Seamstress bites her nails at the sight of a print, wondering whether it will make her look frumpy or cutesy or crazy or quilty or homemade, Lauriana stares it down and beats it into submission. Even the biggest, boldest prints become serious, elegant fashion under her needle:
4) Finally, as if she hadn’t already bewitched us all with her abilities and aesthetics, I find myself completely consumed by envy because the work of this frighteningly talented home sewer is clearly runway ready. Surely any of these garments is worthy of showing at New York’s Fashion week, and any woman in her right mind would happily sell her OWN soul to have these hanging in her closet:
[Note to my newest nemesis: I will maybe possibly perhaps consider switching to the dark side in exchange for the pattern for that grey dress!]
There you have it. The evidence of demon-induced genius is undeniable. There is no telling how much Lauriana is capable of, and she is a most powerful force in the sewing blogosphere. For further evidence of her powers of the occult, visit her blog, Petit Main Sauvage. But tread very very carefully because you are likely to fall under her spell.
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning after a possible sewing failure last night (more on that later) and now I’m feeling the need to take it out on someone. A new nemesis.
Enter Yoshimi, a.k.a. “Flying Squirrel Nemesis,” a.k.a. “Elegant Nemesis.” Some of you may know Yoshimi from her blog, and may be saying to yourself right now, “How can Yoshimi be your nemesis? She seems so sweet!” The operative word here is “seems.” The Selfish Seamstress also thought Yoshimi was sweet, until Yoshimi launched a full scale attack on the Selfish Seamstress from all angles. Look at some of the unprovoked and insulting comments Yoshimi has made about the Selfish Seamstress:
On BurdaStyle:
“Very elegant, you look beautiful in it.”
On Pattern Review:
“Gorgeous jacket. It’s very nice on you.”
And Yoshimi has even left abusive comments on the Selfish Seamstress’s very own blog, like this:
“Every one of your posts makes me smile.”
Obviously, Yoshimi is looking for a fight. She is out to terrorize, and the Selfish Seamstress cannot condone cyber-bullying unless she is the one doing the bullying. Therefore Yoshimi has been upgraded to Selfish Seamstress Nemesis status, and it’s time to give her a taste of her own medicine.
1) First off, Yoshimi is not to be trusted. For example, she states on her blog that she has trouble making pants that fit. Well if that’s true, how do you explain THESE?
and THESE??
Seriously, are there any of you out there who wouldn’t consider giving away half of your stash if it meant you could get a fit like that on your pants?
2) Yoshimi’s sense of style is so impeccable it’s like she’s TRYING to breed resentment. Can she go Jackie Kennedy elegant? Yes. Can she wear what the 19-year olds who work at Armani Exchange wear and look great in it? Yes. Can she make clothes in all of these styles such that the look like they came straight from a boutique and not from a home sewing machine? ARGH, YES.
Extra bonus nemesis points: the ability to photograph her outfits in a way that puts the J.Crew and Banana Republic catalogues to shame. Seriously, did anyone else forget that they were looking at home-sewn garments while going through these photos and start looking for the “Add to my Cart” button? No “sorry-this-looks-like-crap-I-took-this-at-night-with-flash-while-standing-in-my-messy-sewing-room” photos from this nemesis!
3) Yoshimi commits the greatest sin of all in the Selfish Seamstress’s book: sewing for others. Now, I know that a lot of people sew for others. But Yoshimi sews for others so beautifully that it almost (almost!) makes the Selfish Seamstress wish she could sew for others. Since when has the Selfish Seamstress ever envied someone’s ability to do something for others?? Yoshimi puts terrible, terrible thoughts into my head! But can you blame me? Have a look at these two shirts she made for her husband:
I can’t even stand to look at these masterpieces of workmanship, they tear me up so inside.
4) Finally, the thing that will push you over the edge with rage directed at Yoshimi: her shoe wardrobe. Oh yes, scroll back up and look through those pictures. As if it weren’t enough that she’s made herself a closet full of beautiful, graceful clothing, this nemesis has also has amassed a shoe collection clearly intended to breed spite and jealousy. Sure, her blog is about sewing, but she sneaks those shoes in there just to provoke your ire.
Well done, Yoshimi. You are a formidable nemesis. But if I were you, I would sleep with one eye open. Everyone else- march on over to Yoshimi the Flying Squirrel for more fodder for discord and more reasons to envy! Go forth and avenge!
[Not angry enough yet? Check here for more nemeses!]
Readers, as you may know, the Selfish Seamstress does not contribute to the lovey-dovey feel-good world of sewing blogs. She feeds on strife and animosity and is therefore pleased to bring you a new recurring feature called “Selfish Seamstress Nemesis,” in which she will rip apart and humiliate other sewers and sewing bloggers out of spite and envy. Up first: Peter in NYC, a.k.a. “Advanced Beginner Nemesis,” a.k.a. “Guy Nemesis.”
Many of you may know Peter in NYC from Pattern Review. He has recently started a hilarious blog of his own, which the Selfish Seamstress can only interpret as a hostile and aggressive tactic directed squarely at her. Why she interprets it this way, she can’t really say. Mostly she just needs an excuse to rail on Peter in a public forum. So here are some of the reasons why I have decided to upgrade Peter in NYC from mere Fellow Sewer to Selfish Seamstress Nemesis:
1) Peter in NYC started sewing a paltry six months ago and yet his workmanship and precision are already outstanding. That jerk. A mere three months into his new hobby, he up and made this:
Yes. That is a lined jacket. With collar and welt pockets. ARGH. How long did it take the Selfish Seamstress before she even worked up the nerve to try a buttonhole! Wipe that smug grin off your face, Peter.
2) As far as I can tell, Peter in NYC never spends more than pocket change on fabric and yet his clothes never have that crafty made-it-myself-out-of-old-quilts look. He relies on old bedsheets, and sometimes even fabric he finds in the trash (apparently in his neighborhood, entire bolts of silk knit count as trash), with an occasional splurge at the $2/yard section of actual fabric stores. And still, the results are envy-inducing and fantastic. ARGH! Check out this bedsheet number:
Why is it that if I make something from bedsheet it looks like something from Mama’s Family, whereas Peter’s shirt probably has hipster kids begging to buy it off of him as he walks down the street?
3) Apparently a couple of months of sewing experience is enough for perfect plaid alignment if you’re fancy schmancy smarty pants Peter:
And as if that weren’t enough, should I mention as well that he’s a topstitching fiend?
4) Finally, as if all this technical skill weren’t enough, I should also mention that the man can design womenswear. His enviably long-legged “identical cousin Cathy” is the frequent model of his gorgeously chic creations, as featured in stunning and artistic photo shoots. What seamstress in her right mind wouldn’t snap up this pattern if McCall’s put it out?
Peter in NYC had better watch his back; the Selfish Seamstress is not someone you want as your enemy. For more reasons to despise and envy him, check out his riotously funny new blog, Male Pattern Boldness. Leave nasty comments on it and tell him the Selfish Seamstress sent you! Mwahaha!
[Think YOU should be a Selfish Seamstress nemesis? Let me know! I’ll fight with you too. I’ll fight with ALL of you!]
The Selfish Seamstress 