Hitting new lows in garment making

By now you know that I’ve stooped to exciting new lows, such as knitting a Missoni knockoff scarf with sock yarn. Here, I wear the fruits of my carpelly tunnelly labors at the market:

(For those who have asked about the Miele knockoff sweater, it’s on a bit of a hiatus because I decided after finishing it that I want to rip out the collar and make it a little narrower, but haven’t gotten around to it. All in all, it kind of looks like you’d expect it to. If you thought you were going to like it, you’d probably like it. If you thought you were going to hate it, you’d probably hate it.)

With that out of the way, I made the rash decision to go back to my roots – crocheting. Crocheting is definitely my “first language” of crafts, having been at it for about 27 or 28 years now. But I’ve never been much for crocheting clothing because in my opinion, most patterns for crocheted (non-accessory) garments look boxy, crafty, or Contempo Casuals circa 1997, none of which are my favorite aesthetic. But then I found this pattern from the Let’s Knit series…

… and thought it could perhaps look edgy over a long-sleeved fitted T, some skinny jeans, a wool cap, and my new knee-high slightly slouchy grey suede boots of which you’d be jealous if I had a picture to show you.

I thought about going with a color, but then decided to opt for my usual standby of charcoal grey to cut the sweetness and frilliness of the pattern. It’s a charted pattern and easy enough, but I can’t read the Japanese instructions so I think my gauge may be off. My version will undoubtedly be slimmer fitting than the one in the picture. Here’s where I am so far after a day or two:

Basically, you crochet two “bib” pieces – one for the front and one for the back, then join them at the sides, and then crochet the border and the sleeves. I’ve made a couple of changes to the design so far, but nothing major.

At this point you may be thinking, “Crocheted sweaters?  Is nothing sacred anymore?  Is there no low to which the Selfish Seamstress won’t sink while NOT sewing garments?”

Nope. In fact, my next project…

… is curtains.

buh buh BUHHHHHH!

Make your own Envy Scarf

The Envy Scarf is now complete and wrapped deliciously around my Selfish neck twice, but you’re going to have to wait for pictures. In the meantime, apparently the idea of knitting an entire scarf in fingering weight yarn appeals to some of you (clearly bored loners, much like the Selfish Seamstress herself). So to relieve you of your scarf envy over the Envy Scarf, or perhaps to inflict upon you the same mind-numbing boredom that I have just endured in making it (oh sorry, knitters, I meant “relaxing” and “therapeutic” means of “unwinding,” geez.), here is the very classic feather and fan pattern:

Cast on 78 stitches:

Row 1: K
Row 2: P
Row 3: K3, * (K2tog) 3 times,  (YO, K1) 6 times, (K2tog) 3 times. Repeat from * until 3 stitches remain. K3.
Row 4: K

Repeat all rows until desired length is reached. Bind off loosely.

For my scarf, I used a 4.5 mm circular needle and about 1 and 2/3 skeins of Lang Jawoll Magic in shade 99 (Greens), but you can use whatever you want, not only because gauge isn’t important, but also because… well, did you honestly think I would care?

Still here, still making you jealous: the Envy scarf

Readers, please.  You have to understand that the Selfish Seamstress is an extremely important and busy woman.  And now that she has landed in Europe, she finds herself absolutely swamped with new responsibilities. Think about it. It’s been a long time since Europe has had to contend with the Selfish Seamstress for more than a few days at a time. She’s got a lot of ground to cover- new colleagues from whom to alienate herself, new students to frighten, new friends to avoid making, and countless waitstaff and service industry people to annoy. Gifted as Selfish may be at rubbing people the wrong way, it’s still quite a lot of work.

Now, you in comparison, dear readers, are easy. All it takes for me to frustrate and anger you is to simply stop blogging and ignore you for a few weeks. And judging from your recent comments, I can’t help but pat myself on the back and think, “Job freakin’ well done, Elaine.  Go treat yourself to another croissant.” Oh, this continent is utterly teeming with croissants.

But as you know, the Selfish Seamstress has never been one to rest on her laurels (hence her need to find new parts of the world to abuse), and she therefore thinks that there may be more effective ways to get under your skin than simply ignoring you. So allow me to introduce you to my new friend Envy.

Yep, I’m still without my beloved sewing machine as it slowly makes its way across the oceans, but knitting continues in its usual plodding and mind-numbing fashion. A couple of chilly mornings sent me in a panic to a nearby department store for two skeins of Lang Jawoll Magic sock yarn with which to make my own knockoff Missoni scarf. (I’ve been rather fixated on Missoni knits lately. More on that later though.) The traditional fan and feather pattern is easy enough, though a scarf made from fingering weight yarn isn’t exactly an overnight project.

And while I’m bragging (which is pretty much always), allow me to point out that a similar-in-flavor actual Missoni scarf retails for about $270. (My yarn cost: approximately $22. Haha!  Take that, Italy.)

Green with Envy yet?  If not, perhaps you haven’t looked closely enough.  Here’s the Missoni-licious money shot:

Mwahahaha, miss me much?