Idiots on the internet

After a couple of rather annoying discoveries, the Selfish Seamstress has come to a rather rash conclusion.  There are two kinds of people on the internet: 1) my dear, wonderful readers and 2) idiots.

Okay, I realize that my logic here is flawed and that there are probably a couple of non-idiot internet users besides you guys, but DAMN if there aren’t some serious idiots out there.

For example, dear reader Polly (NOT an idiot, instead rather awesome) alerted me to this:

That’s right- someone’s trying to sell my pattern for the Coffee Date Dress on eBay! For £7.50! Good job, eBay user lorriange, with your two negative feedbacks as a seller in the past 6 months, way to do your own work. I bet you tried to cheat off of other kids’ math tests when you were little because it was easier than learning how to add and subtract for yourself. Sorry to see that no one bid on your pathetic little auction. You know why?  Because people who sew know that it’s available for FREE ON THE INTERNET. If an idiot like you could find it, so can anyone else, duh. (Also, possibly because the pattern is not all that interesting.)

Here’s the description the seller provides with the auction:

“BUST 32-42 MULTI SIZE SEWING PATTERN.   ELEGANT DESIGNER SHIFT DRESS. AVAILABLE READY PRINTED ON A4 PAPER READY TO TAPE AND CUT OR SAVED ON CD FOR YOU TO USE OVER AND OVER.”

Ugh. first of all, it’s SIZE 32-42, not BUST 32-42. Also, it’s not a shift dress, it’s a fitted bodice with an A-line skirt. And as for printing it or saving it to CD, I’m going to guess that lazyass lorriange probably just sends you a link to where you can download it from me because she can’t be bothered.

Now one idiot on the internet could be an isolated incident, but two idiots is certainly indicative of an epidemic. Awesome reader Hussain pointed out that a photo of me in my bubble wrap tutu was used to illustrate a Wikihow article on how to make a bubble wrap tutu!

For serious?  I mean, it’s a Wikihow article, for jeeb’s sake. Why would you even bother to put together a tutorial on doing something if you’re not actually going to do it and use your own photographs of it?? This is like inventing a cookie recipe, posting it on the web, and then showing a photo of a package of Chips Ahoy! next to it. IDIOTS.

Also, seriously, if you want to make a decent bubble wrap tutu, don’t use the Wikihow article. They actually tell you to use glue on the bubble wrap. Glue! I mean, use the tutorial if you want your tutu to fall apart within minutes. Or if you want it to look like this (the finished project they show at the end of the step-by-step instructions- look, it’s exactly like mine! No wonder they used my picture as the title image!):

Oh, and if you want, you can also make an accompanying “wand”:

Niiiiiiice. It’s sheer crafting genius, like those intricately painted Ukrainian Easter eggs, or rose point lacemaking. Nice to see a modern revival of the lost art of “putting a wad of garbage on top of a stick.”

In all seriousness though, sigh. Sometimes it makes me want to stop putting my stuff out there, knowing that other people who can’t be bothered to do their own work are just going to claim my creative efforts as their own ideas, their own property, their own stuff to sell, their own stuff to show off. I’m not talking about laws and legality and intellectual property – for those of you who have your mouse pointer poised on the “Leave a Comment” link, ready to point out that no laws have been broken- I know. And yes, I am fully aware of what one opens oneself up to by putting things on the internet.  It doesn’t make it less annoying to discover yourself front and center on some random eBay auction and see your precious hard work appropriated, diluted, and misrepresented.

So there you have it- proof that my readers (thank you, Polly and Hussain!) are smart and wonderful, and that everyone else on the internet is an idiot. Though I suppose if they’re downloading my patterns to sell and copying my pictures to illustrate their own sad little tutorials, they’d have to have been visiting my blog also… hrmmm. I’m going to need to come up with a new theory to explain this then. Until then, how about you?  Any uncreative asshats exploited your creativity lately?  Do tell!

You should wear curtains

The Selfish Seamstress must be feverish today. Nothing else could possibly explain the sudden overwhelming burst of generosity that has overcome her- a generosity that she suspects she will come to regret, a generosity that tastes foreign and bilious in her mouth, a generosity that she will probably later decide you did not deserve. But by then it will be too late.

First, a word on wearing curtains.  If it’s good enough for Scarlett O’Hara…

And it’s good enough for the Von Trapp family…

And it’s good enough for the magnificent Melissa of Fehr Trade (okay, to be fair, her beautiful Burda dress is made from a shower curtain, rather than drapes per se, but same concept)…

… isn’t it good enough for you too?

Most notably, don’t you think you need the new spring Vogue 1174 Cynthia Steffe dress…

… sewn up in these vintage new old stock (i.e. they’re vintage but have never been used) drapes?

As of the time of writing this post, these lovely pristine drapes are available on eBay (yep, to the folks who were asking where I get my vintage fabric, that’s my main source).  Two panels of 24″ by 84″ (though I’m guessing that width would probably be greater once if you let out the pleats, not exactly sure how pleated drapes are measured) for a not too unreasonable $59.99. It’s a Buy it Now, so first come, first served! (If you’re reading this post and someone already got to them first, haha, sucka!)

No, I’m not the one selling them so I can’t tell you anything more about them other than what’s on the eBay description.  I have, however, eyed them longingly a couple of times in the last few days before reminding myself that I don’t need any more dressy fabric.  Or any more fabric that matter.  But if you want them, get them now before I have a change of heart.  I can already feel the selfishness bubbling up inside of me, and it’s starting to make me wonder if maybe you just don’t deserve them.  Go!

Vintage goodies to covet while I’m out

Nope, no time to sew. Haven’t sewn a stitch in many many days. Heading off to Washington D.C. this afternoon for top secret government shenanigans. The closest I’ve even gotten to sewing in the last week is taking an occasional break to hunt for patterns on Ebay which I will not buy because I have more patterns than I could possibly ever sew up in my lifetime. That and most of them would be too bustacular for me. But you should seriously consider this for a perfect summer dress (B34):

Or this insanely elegant ensemble (B31) for your next evening out or stint as a wedding guest.  Sigh.  I love that tulip-y lapped skirt. So much so that I seriously considered not telling you about this one so I could snag it myself.

Or how about this confection of lace and pleats and drapes (B34)?  (Obviously there was some sort of misprint since this should have been done up in midnight blue rather than lipstick red.  Don’t get me wrong, I like lipstick red, but not so much for lace):

And finally, the covet of all covets, this gorgeous evening gown with overskirt (B34). Oh, how I adore an evening gown done up in an elegant print:

They’re all going for about $5-$7 (though I think that last one may have gotten some bids which pushed it higher) and ending within the next 5 days or so, so go forth and stalk them. You know you want to.

Come on, you didn’t think I was going to leave without giving you a another reason to resent me, did you? It’ll probably be quiet here for the next few days, so take advantage of that time to write scathing and hateful comments for me. They will only make me grow more powerful.