Readers, as you may know, the Selfish Seamstress does not contribute to the lovey-dovey feel-good world of sewing blogs. She feeds on strife and animosity and is therefore pleased to bring you a new recurring feature called “Selfish Seamstress Nemesis,” in which she will rip apart and humiliate other sewers and sewing bloggers out of spite and envy. Up first: Peter in NYC, a.k.a. “Advanced Beginner Nemesis,” a.k.a. “Guy Nemesis.”
Many of you may know Peter in NYC from Pattern Review. He has recently started a hilarious blog of his own, which the Selfish Seamstress can only interpret as a hostile and aggressive tactic directed squarely at her. Why she interprets it this way, she can’t really say. Mostly she just needs an excuse to rail on Peter in a public forum. So here are some of the reasons why I have decided to upgrade Peter in NYC from mere Fellow Sewer to Selfish Seamstress Nemesis:
1) Peter in NYC started sewing a paltry six months ago and yet his workmanship and precision are already outstanding. That jerk. A mere three months into his new hobby, he up and made this:
Yes. That is a lined jacket. With collar and welt pockets. ARGH. How long did it take the Selfish Seamstress before she even worked up the nerve to try a buttonhole! Wipe that smug grin off your face, Peter.
2) As far as I can tell, Peter in NYC never spends more than pocket change on fabric and yet his clothes never have that crafty made-it-myself-out-of-old-quilts look. He relies on old bedsheets, and sometimes even fabric he finds in the trash (apparently in his neighborhood, entire bolts of silk knit count as trash), with an occasional splurge at the $2/yard section of actual fabric stores. And still, the results are envy-inducing and fantastic. ARGH! Check out this bedsheet number:
Why is it that if I make something from bedsheet it looks like something from Mama’s Family, whereas Peter’s shirt probably has hipster kids begging to buy it off of him as he walks down the street?
3) Apparently a couple of months of sewing experience is enough for perfect plaid alignment if you’re fancy schmancy smarty pants Peter:
And as if that weren’t enough, should I mention as well that he’s a topstitching fiend?
4) Finally, as if all this technical skill weren’t enough, I should also mention that the man can design womenswear. His enviably long-legged “identical cousin Cathy” is the frequent model of his gorgeously chic creations, as featured in stunning and artistic photo shoots. What seamstress in her right mind wouldn’t snap up this pattern if McCall’s put it out?
Peter in NYC had better watch his back; the Selfish Seamstress is not someone you want as your enemy. For more reasons to despise and envy him, check out his riotously funny new blog, Male Pattern Boldness. Leave nasty comments on it and tell him the Selfish Seamstress sent you! Mwahaha!
[Think YOU should be a Selfish Seamstress nemesis? Let me know! I'll fight with you too. I'll fight with ALL of you!]