It’s an accepted and sometimes unfortunate truth that if you put yourself out on the internet in any way, you open yourself up to the possibility of harsh criticism and public flaming. Surely any of you who have your own blog have run into this at some point or other. In general I’m able to let the occasional instances of public Selfish Seamstress bashing roll off my back, have a good chuckle and let it go. But lately some of the things that have been said about your beloved Selfish Seamstress have been so inflammatory and outright defamatory that I feel compelled to address them here head on.
In particular, Cidell of Miss Celie’s Pants has made some outrageously untrue allegations, with a pretty clear intent to tarnish the Selfish Seamstress’s hard earned reputation. She recently posted an entry suggesting that she, The Slapdash Sewist and I met up for a fun and amiable supper, and went so far as to insinuate that the Selfish Seamstress is “not actually selfish”! Obviously that claim is utterly ridiculous. Were it true, the name of this blog would simply be “The Seamstress,” which it clearly is not, and which, by the way, would be a very uninteresting blog title. Selfishness is right there in the name; it’s obviously a core value.
So allow me to defend myself by explaining the evening’s events from my point of view. It is indeed true that I was in Washington, D.C. And it is indeed true that I had supper with Cidell and the Slapdash Sewist, if sitting at the same table against your will while consuming comestibles during the evening hours constitutes “having supper with.” What happened was this: I was walking by myself in the city on Friday evening when I was suddenly accosted by two gorgeous women clothed in lovely and flattering hand-sewn garments. They grabbed me by each arm and growled, “We’re going for pizza whether you like it or not. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll come quietly.” Of course you know that the Selfish Seamstress is both scrappy and belligerent, but her weapons of choice are verbal barbs, insults, and sarcasm, which are of little use when being physically manhandled by two freakishly strong fellow seamstresses. Cidell is particularly formidable- although she claims to be a modest and average 5’5” on her blog, in real life she is probably closer to 6’3” (as should be clear in the photos below), and possibly 6’4” if you count her awesome hair. (Both she and the strawberry-tressed Slapdash Sewist have jealousy-inducing hair, though I would never say so to their faces.) Suffice it to say, the Selfish Seamstress’s hand-to-hand combat skills are sadly deficient for dealing with such a situation. So, finding myself in a strange city being attacked by a pair of incredibly chic sewing thugs, I had little choice but submit to their demands.
After thusly “escorting” me to a great pizza place, they immediately dove for my handbag. They grabbed it, tore it open like a pair of super cute, well-dressed vultures, yanked out all of my fabric (as a sewing enthusiast, I make sure to have spare fabric on me at all times in case of emergency. Don’t you?) and gleefully cackled, “We’ll just hang on to these for you. Thanks for the ‘presents,’ sucker!” (This remark was especially stinging as the Selfish Seamstress does not believe in presents unless she is on the receiving end.) Again, what choice did I have? I’m pretty sure they had pinking shears hidden in their coats.
As for the rest of the night, I spent the first half of the evening glaring at them as they issued threats, as you can see here:
I believe that picture was taken shortly after the Slapdash Sewist said something that sounded like, “Despite my vegetariansim, I have every intention of eviscerating your cat and eating her raw gizzard as a mid-afternoon snack.”* I spent the second half of the evening trying futilely to escape from their menacing and evil clenches (shown here with yogurt):
Finally, with little warning, they released me back out onto the street. Angry and confused, bruised and battered, fabric-less, and with a belly full of wild mushroom and goat cheese pizza and frozen yogurt with pineapple, I made my way back to my hotel. I breathed a sigh of relief upon reaching it, thinking that the nightmare ordeal was over and I could put this all behind me.
Little did I realize that the worst was yet to come in the form of subsequent vicious and slanderous blog posts intended to shatter the Selfish Seamstress’s reputation as a prickly and self-absorbed loner. Fortunately that is the kind of attack against which I can and will defend myself. So for the record I would like to make it very clear: No giggling or secret sharing occurred during that encounter, no mutual admiring of each other’s dresses or blogs was done, no interesting and engaging conversation was shared, no discovery of lots of non-sewing stuff we had in common was made, no warm hugs were exchanged, and most of all NO FUN WAS HAD.
That is all.
*It is possible that I misheard the Slapdash Sewist’s statement at that moment and what she actually said was something more like, “Does anyone want to try a slice of my vegetable pizza?” but I can’t be sure. We were seated near the bar so it was a little hard to hear at times.
39 comments
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March 21, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Nikole
Oh Elaine, do you want us to believe they held you up at scissor-point and told you to smile in that photo or else they’d make you even petitier…. I believe not! Unless you’ve perfect giving the i’m-having-a-blast-smile when you’re being held captive.
March 21, 2010 at 2:35 pm
lorrwill
Oh my gosh, are you okay? It sounds like a harrowing ordeal. You are very, very lucky indeed to have made it out alive! I can tell by the pictures those are well seasoned professionals. You must have some serious mojo to have escaped in one piece.
And yes, I am scathingly jealous.
(Veggie pizza……..yum!)
March 21, 2010 at 2:48 pm
peter
I have the possibility of meeting up with Slapdash on her imminent trip to NYC. Thanks for the warning.
March 21, 2010 at 2:56 pm
beth
“Incredibly chic sewing thugs”! LOL!!!
March 21, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Karen
You are hilarious! I look forward to each and every post!
March 21, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Toby Wollin
They’re sneaky, aren’t they?
March 21, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Vicki
Well, it is your own fault! You did put it out onto the Internet where you were going. You should be greatfull you made it back alive!
March 21, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Victoria Baylor
Phew! That was close. After reading Cidell’s post I was beginning to believe you’d gone soft ! Glad to know that wasn’t the case (wink)! In all seriousness, glad you were able to have a great time with the girls. I’m sure it was the “meeting of the minds”.
March 21, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Mary in FL
I love your glare. Too cute – er, hideous!!! LOL
March 21, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Cynthia
I was so hoping you’d respond quickly and severely to the defamatory statements posted by Cidell. You did not disappoint. BTW, I love your blog!
March 21, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Erica B.
The jig is up! We know that you’re fabulous!
March 21, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Susan - Knitters-Delight
I always suspected they were too talented not to be devious! You are lucky you escaped when you did.
Too funny!
March 21, 2010 at 4:55 pm
homejewel
Okay, this post had me seriously cracking me up, because I just happened to be over 6’3″. What a picture that would be, huh? How fun for all of you!
March 21, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Elizabeth
You are so very lucky you didn’t meet me when you were in NYC. You might not have left alive! Here’s to next to next time… Mwah hahahahaha!
March 21, 2010 at 7:58 pm
BeckyMc
I get a huge smile everytime I see you’ve posted again! I hope to someday be a…what was it? Incredibly chic sewing thug! Love it!
March 21, 2010 at 10:28 pm
inkstain
Oh, Selfish! We have clinics in Switzerland especially ready 24/7 to treat your post-sewing-thug-trauma! Please tell me you’re getting good follow-up care!
March 21, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Trudy callan
Oh you poor thing. I hope you’re going to be okay. Who would have ever thought they could do such a thing.
March 22, 2010 at 2:05 am
Awami
I must admit I was in awe when I read Cidell’s post but now I understand. You seem to be brone to abduction lately, how come that? You should’ve tried an escape with some graceful sauts de biche. Anyway, when are you nemesizing these two? :)
March 22, 2010 at 4:14 am
Debbie Cook
What an ordeal! At least you escaped before they made you sew something for (gasp!) them!
March 22, 2010 at 5:51 am
Sewjourner
And to think that I believed Cidell’s post. I’m glad I got your side of the story. I’m glad you were able to get away.
March 22, 2010 at 7:30 am
Elizabeth
Such vultures! You’re so lucky you escaped!
March 22, 2010 at 8:00 am
The Slapdash Sewist
I thought we warned you about telling the truth about our meetup? You haven’t seen sewing thugs yet!
March 22, 2010 at 10:09 am
selfishseamstress
*gulp* how did you find me here???
March 22, 2010 at 8:08 am
Auntie Allyn
Well I’m certainly glad you set things straight for all of us! I took Slapdash & Cidell’s review of the evening with a grain of salt . . . as a fellow Washingtonian, I know that we tend to exaggerate and embellish and shape stories to fit our needs. Sounds like a couple of evil women, and I will have to be on my guard when I see them at the Pattern Review weekend in Philadelphia in May!
March 22, 2010 at 9:19 am
Gorgeous Things
I know Cidell, and you are lucky to have gotten away with your life.
Hahahahahahahaha! Snort!
March 22, 2010 at 9:55 am
Jan
Hi Selfish – I have a horribly uncomfortable feeling that you might have perceived my comments in your previous post as being inflammatory. But nothing could be further from the truth. I was attempting (very badly) to imitate your own style of writing. You invited “snarky ” ( ! ) comments while you were away – I tried to oblige ( thus giving you more uhmm “power ” ) – I think that possibly I have been misunderstood so please please accept my apologies if this is the case. anyway – i will continue to enjoy reading your blog – I love every aspect of it – but I promise not to comment again !!! . I do not want to spoil your blog in any way – and once again my heartfelt apologies.
Best wishes,
Jan.
March 22, 2010 at 10:08 am
selfishseamstress
Oh my goodness- that comment was so MEAN with all of the compliments embedded in it about my grammar and dancing and sewing :) I cried for days! I’m kidding. In actuality, it only served to boost my already hyperinflated ego, and had I not been too busy to read and keep up with comments I would have responded with a giggle and a blush :) No need to apologize- I’m glad someone took me up on my request for a little snark while I was away. Stick around- I love having you drop by!
March 22, 2010 at 11:07 am
Elaray
I’ve met both Cidell and Slapdash. They sure had me fooled. Thanks for spreading the truth!
March 22, 2010 at 11:51 am
Jan
Okay – Sweetheart, I might just throw in the occasional comment to boost that ego of yours !
March 22, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Susannah
Jan – have you been tricked into being NICE to her!??!!?!?
She really is evil!!!! We have to remember that she is OUR collective nemesis, and we hate her! I think Cidell and the Slapdash Sewist let her off lightly – she escaped with her life! More evidence that she is truely evil!!!!
March 22, 2010 at 11:57 am
Lourdes
Somehow the world isn’t the same, food tastes different. I feel I’ve been deceived, the Selfish Seamstress is…. generous? SS I would get a good lawyer and straighten this whole mess up before things start to snowball.
March 22, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Cidell
I am from Baltimore, home of the Wire. I will throw down and cut a sewist for fine fabric and a Japanese sewing magazine!
March 22, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Meredith P
I’m just pleased to know that Cidell is considered “freakishly tall”. Since we’re about the same height, that means I am too! ;-)
March 22, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Karima
LOL! Glad you had a good time!
March 22, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Kathi
Well, it sounds like you have an absolutely horrid encounter!! Even sewists are at risk on the streets – oh my.
March 23, 2010 at 9:49 am
amber
Super jealous of your sewing blogger date. Um, I mean “abduction.” ;)
March 23, 2010 at 11:45 am
Louella
Oh Elaine, so sorry about your ordeal! All along I thought that Trena and Cidell are two fine ladies…Go back and sew so more. I hope you feel better.
March 23, 2010 at 3:36 pm
allison
hilarious!
October 24, 2011 at 9:35 am
The Milly plaid dress: Once again, I get everything I want always and forever « The Selfish Seamstress
[…] So after seeing it, I trolled the web hunting for any plaid fabric with a similar feel and colorway to make my own shirtdress and found nothing. I’m fond of plaid in general, but once I had this particular plaid in mind, every other plaid just looked comparatively dorky. I did have a moment of hope when I discovered Cidell’s plaid silk knit tunic, which was in the right plaid flavor category, and super cute on its own merit. But of course, the fabric was already sold out, which leads me to think that she planned the whole thing to get a rise out of me. It wouldn’t be the first time she’s bested poor Selfish. […]