If it’s Monday, or any other day of the week, that must mean that the Selfish Seamstress is not good at making friends. It’s therefore time for her to unveil her latest foe: Lauriana, a.k.a. “Mad Skills Nemesis,” a.k.a. “Innovative Nemesis.”
The Selfish Seamstress has to admit, she is terrified of this latest nemesis. Unlike nemesis Yoshimi, Lauriana has not hurled insults at the Selfish Seamstress from every angle. Unlike nemesis Peter, Lauriana has not started a blog solely intended to destroy the Selfish Seamstress. However, the Selfish Seamstress feels the need to warn her readers of the very dangerous and wicked Lauriana, as she strongly suspects that Lauriana is possessed by evil demons, as only the occult could explain her supernatural genius and fear-inducing talent. Now, I know what you’re thinking: the Selfish Seamstress has gone too far, accusing another home seamstress of being the tool of evil spirits. But I think you will understand the need to elevate Lauriana to Selfish Seamstress Nemesis status once you see the evidence of the kind of talent and brilliance that could only result from some serious soul selling:
1) Lauriana can draft like nobody’s business. In fact, as far as I can tell, Lauriana has barely touched a pattern not of her own hand in years. Oh sure, the Selfish Seamstress has been known, with copious amounts of time, effort, and scrap fabric, to draft up a very simple dress or skirt. But Lauriana drafts like a fiend – a clear indication that very black magic is involved. Why bother with commercial patterns when you can conjure up everything better yourself? White flowy blouse? Sure, why not?
Jeans that are beyond chic? Whatever.
Jacket that would make Jackie O. jealous? Child’s play for Lauriana and her mystical powers.
2) Lauriana is so innovative, only the supernatural can account for it. Her ideas are brilliant in a way that can only be explained by madness, and she realizes them flawlessly. When I think about what the inside of Lauriana’s head must look like, I imagine there’s a big cabinet in there and it’s sort of like the Vogue pattern drawers with some Patrones stuffed in there too, with all of the boring and ugly stuff taken out and a little witchcraft thrown in. Seriously. You give her a big old leather jacket, and she cuts it up into bits to make a sleek new one:
The girl acquires a serger, and immediately starts breaking all of the rules to gorgeous, suspicion-inducing results like this (surely if one were not possessed by evil, creativity-breeding spirits, one would start with a simple t-shirt, no?):
And only a mad, devil-possessed genius could come up with this wonderful skirt detail, right??
3) The most incontrovertible evidence that Lauriana is extremely dangerous and powerful: she has mastered the print in the most maddening and enemy-making way imaginable. While the Selfish Seamstress bites her nails at the sight of a print, wondering whether it will make her look frumpy or cutesy or crazy or quilty or homemade, Lauriana stares it down and beats it into submission. Even the biggest, boldest prints become serious, elegant fashion under her needle:
4) Finally, as if she hadn’t already bewitched us all with her abilities and aesthetics, I find myself completely consumed by envy because the work of this frighteningly talented home sewer is clearly runway ready. Surely any of these garments is worthy of showing at New York’s Fashion week, and any woman in her right mind would happily sell her OWN soul to have these hanging in her closet:
[Note to my newest nemesis: I will maybe possibly perhaps consider switching to the dark side in exchange for the pattern for that grey dress!]
There you have it. The evidence of demon-induced genius is undeniable. There is no telling how much Lauriana is capable of, and she is a most powerful force in the sewing blogosphere. For further evidence of her powers of the occult, visit her blog, Petit Main Sauvage. But tread very very carefully because you are likely to fall under her spell.
35 comments
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February 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Trudy Callan
Wow this woman is amazing.
February 8, 2010 at 1:48 pm
peter
I’m not sure where I stand with regard to Lauriana’s flirtation with the dark side, but I do find her apartment’s apparent lack of baseboard molding to be troubling, very troubling.
Also, as a former only-nemesis, I’m starting to resent my growing company of co-nemeses. How big is this family going to get?
February 8, 2010 at 2:25 pm
selfishseamstress
Peter, I’m starting to get the feeling that you are an only child :)
February 8, 2010 at 3:20 pm
peter
I have an older brother, and thank goodness, he doesn’t sew.
February 8, 2010 at 1:51 pm
jen coyle
what the f. I went over to her site, skimmed down a bit and the phrase “so I made a jacket” popped out at me. An impecably made, flawless jacket, she just hippity hoppity made a perfect jacket. Did you see the t shirt where she drew an anatomical heart. again. what the f.
February 8, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Beth
She is indeed a worthy nemesis, thanks for warning us …. :-)
February 8, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Nancy K
You certainly can find some fabulous people out there! Impeccable sewing and designing going on here. A worthy nemesis.
February 8, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Sarah
AND she gave away patterns that she drafted at the new year.
Vile.
February 8, 2010 at 3:37 pm
Love it! Sew it!
wow. that woman has some talent…oh….the only thing I can do now, is WISH…wish one day that I too, will have her skills…mind you, I will not desert you for dark side….far from it, but surely, just surely, it is not wrong for One to have the desire to better one’s self right?
February 8, 2010 at 3:51 pm
nikole
I like this nemisis
February 8, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Erica B.
Her blog is fabulous, as is her style!
February 8, 2010 at 5:04 pm
K-Line
I love this series – there’s not one nemesis you’ve profiled that I haven’t added to my Reader. Wait, maybe that’s not what you want to hear :-)
February 8, 2010 at 5:15 pm
DW
Holy frack. I’m totally speechless.
If you knew me, you’d be able to appreciate the seriousness of the situation. It doesn’t happen too often.
February 8, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Hillary
Oh, I have firsthand knowledge that she is evil. She is actually my doppelganger. My mother wouldn’t be able to tell us apart except for her otherworldly sewing skills. And obvious evil. I used to visit her blog all the time but then I wasn’t sure how the whole virtual picture/portent of disaster thing worked (you know and the mindboggling, trying to figure out how she drafts those feats of textile engineering) so I had to stop.
February 8, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Beangirl
She is too scary for me to comment on– in fact, never speak her name to me again. No, no! We shall not speak of this. Never!
February 8, 2010 at 5:48 pm
cape owner
ha! Didn’t know that was her name. I’ve been following Petit Main Sauvage for quite some time now. I’m pissed off that the Selfish Seamstress discovered her because I wanted her all to myself!
It would be nice if PMS bumped up the size of her photos, however. That’s my only complaint.
February 8, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Kathi
Oh wow, her items are amazing. I cannot imagine having that much skill at sewing AND drafting patterns! Thanks for introducing a new nemesis!
February 8, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Dei
Holy Moly. There are actually people who troll about creating such things. I don’t think my brain can wrap itself around drafting a pattern for that totally, must have-will trade first born for-leather jacket.
February 8, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Angie R.
The dark side never looked so good! L has great style and mad skills.
February 8, 2010 at 8:00 pm
ChristineB
“I imagine there’s a big cabinet in there and it’s sort of like the Vogue pattern drawers with some Patrones stuffed in there too, with all of the boring and ugly stuff taken out and a little witchcraft thrown in.”
That totally made me pee my pants. :-)
February 9, 2010 at 4:24 am
miss-g
Lauriana is a sewing AND drafting genius.
February 9, 2010 at 5:27 am
Kerry
…not to mention she apparently has the height and figure of a fashion model, thus she can pull of virtually any look whereas us munchkins are stuck with basic patterns and boring solids.
February 9, 2010 at 5:46 am
lin3arossa
Yes, I also have a love-hate relationship with Lauriana. I love that Watteau dress (among others). And there’s another point: Lauriane is not selfish: she had a giveaway at the beginning of the year, where she would sew a garment for oner of her readers. Of course, I didn’t win, which for a couple of days threw that love-hate thing out of balance….
February 9, 2010 at 6:19 am
Anonymous
Ack! All that talent! Sheet!
February 9, 2010 at 10:03 am
wan-nabe
holy mother of plaid, this woman is talent-filled. and those prints! wow!
February 9, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Clare
you’re picking some good nemeses (nemesises??)
February 10, 2010 at 11:35 am
CindyC
Nemeses.
I would totally kill for that wonderful gray work jacket. Her pattern drafting skills are to die for, and her designs are just amazing. Very impressive indeed!
February 11, 2010 at 1:41 am
Lauriana
Wow. Do you see a faint red glow coming through your computer screen? That me blushing…
Of course, I won’t comment on the black magic bit, but I really hope I can keep living up to the reputation Elaine set me up for here. But I will definately try. Thank you all!
February 12, 2010 at 7:16 am
Karin
Hoah hoah hoah! Friday afternoon chuckle. Not much blog-time this week!
February 12, 2010 at 8:08 am
erin
she’s obviously guilty of sewing b1tchcraft. burn her!!!
;)
February 12, 2010 at 11:10 am
Nova
Please tell me where you bought those blue heels you’re wearing with that black dress? I want to marry them.. (L)
February 13, 2010 at 3:01 am
Lauriana
Van Haren (Dutch budget chain of shoe stores), so it would be easy to find them in the Netherlands and probably impossible anywhere else.
February 13, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Nova
I think it’s a good thing I live in Holland, then! I’ve never seen them before, and I have to say they look really expensive! Thanks!
February 18, 2010 at 11:29 am
Nicky
I hate her too on your behalf :P (says me the new seamstress who just bookmarked that genius … uhh … scrap that … that black magic genius stitcher Lauriana)
June 15, 2010 at 8:01 am
Selfish Seamstress Nemesis: Tasia « The Selfish Seamstress
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