After yesterday’s eye-opening realization of the uncanny similarities between some of the items in the forthcoming 5.2010 issue of Burda and those from 3.1981 and 4.1981 issues, I do have to confess today that I was cherry-picking for your entertainment. In actuality, the new issue has some adorable stuff in it (I’m sure similar designs were produced in the 80’s as well, but they’re not showing up in my two vintage Burdas). And 1981 had some absolute horrors to which the 5.2010 issue cannot hold a candle. Well, I say that for now.  Who knows what we (or our kids, or our grandkids) will laugh over in 2039 when they flip through our old 5.2010 issue.  Or more likely when they access it through the global digital archive using the ports embedded in their brains. Anyway. 

You want the good or the bad first?  I’ll start with the good so you can end on a chuckle or shudder.

Burda 5.2010 has a lot of very cute and feminine garments. Most of them are probably not things I would sew for myself because empire waists generally make me look shorter and stockier, and I also have be careful of precious details, which tend to look childish rather than pretty on me. But that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t look great on you. But most importantly, here’s what I want from this issue:

Love it- love the neckline, the wide set straps.  Hard to say without context, but I’d probably chop it off to high knee length. The print they picked is great too. There’s a plus size counterpart which is hot hot hot:

I love that cherry red. Kudos to Burda for once again leading the way for figure flattering plus size patterns.

This could get a little precious for me, but I love the pintucks and silhouette of this puritan-styled dress. I’m picturing it in black voile with white decorative stitching on those pintucks, with a pair of black mid-heeled Mary Janes and huge black sunglasses:

I think these two are terrific, though not for my figure.  But great styles, great fabric. (For some reason, I’m seeing that blue fluttery sleeved one being a stunner on the statuesque Allison C or Cidell. You ladies listening?)

Also lovely but most definitely too precious too look good on me are this flounced and flutter sleeved doll-style dress (wouldn’t this look great on The Cupcake Goddess?), and the puffed sleeve blouse (I’m seeing this one on Katie with her hot jeans):

I think I might be able to swing the blouse minus the peplum and in a less calico-y print. 

Okay, now that I’ve gone through my top picks and unsolicited targeted fashion suggestions, let me show you a couple of trends from 1981 that have yet to rear their ugly heads again this year.  (I’m kind of hoping that they don’t, but I get the feeling that they might.)  First up, the ruffled blouse.  Wait, you say, ruffled blouses are everywhere these days! Ah yes, they are, but the ruffles themselves are not everywhere. Notably, they are generally not all over the back and running lengthwise down the sleeves, as they were in 1981:

And the front’s not much better. Mmmm… knickerbockers….

In case you were wondering, lengthwise sleeve ruffles don’t get any better when you render them in plaid:

Something else I don’t want to see come back?  I can’t even think of a name for this. But don’t let me catch you wearing or sewing this unless you are a professional clown whose livelihood depends on this:

And I don’t know what that gold-spangled fabric is, but doesn’t it look like a treat to wear? I bet those elasticized cuffs on the pants and sleeves keep all the warmth trapped nicely between the synthetic fabric and your skin.

Also to avoid?  Extensive cross-stitch on your garments. If you absolutely must, a little on the trim of your peasant blouse, perhaps.  But not:

Or:

I’m all for repurposing and recycling fabric, but that doesn’t mean you actually want to look like grammy’s tablecloth.

And finally, horror of horrors, I just don’t ever want to see this bikini again:

This bikini top is so awful that I can almost overlook the fact that it’s being worn with coordinating high waisted parrot-print jams with a belt. I mean, let’s ignore the fact that women have a shape and require a little support, and just tie a strip of quilting fabric in such a way that the nipples are concealed and call it a swimsuit, okay? Yuck, yuck, yuck! And those who bemoan the revealing-ness of current swimwear may want to have a good think about this one :)

So after all that, aren’t you (at least sartorially) glad that it’s 2010 and not 1981? :D