If it’s March, that must mean it’s time for Burda girls to start making their wedding dresses! That’s right, ladies, if you haven’t got a wedding planned for June, you’d better go out and find yourself a fiance now because the bridal patterns are on their way, as shown in the new Burda March 2010 preview! Just don’t do anything that seems okay in concept but in real life looks like you decided to embellish your dress with the party favors:

For the sake of full disclosure, despite being a die hard Burda girl (well, except for these last few months in which I have allowed my subscription to lapse) I don’t have a wedding coming up in June. Which means that I am approaching their March wedding feature with with an eye for what can be rendered in other colors and shorter lengths to make for pretty stuff I can use.  The organza craziness above is not fitting that criteria, but how about this pretty one?

I like the lace sleeves on that one and I’m imagining it in midnight blue. Now I just have to get *invited* to some weddings so I’ll have somewhere to wear it.  Who’s getting married?  Who wants the Selfish Seamstress at her wedding?  [I have to warn you, I heckle. AND I need two slices of cake. Unless the cake is bad in which case I’ll heckle more. And when people say, “The greatest gift you can give us is your presence at our wedding,” I take that statement very seriously. I definitely wouldn’t want to disappoint you by giving you something inferior off of your Williams-Sonoma registry when you could have my presence.]

As for the regular clothes, again, nothing jumping at out at me in this issue, but it’s still the limited preview for now. I’m sort of keen on seeing this light coat, and wish the photo showed off its form better:


It has a charming, sunny Doris Day appeal to it, not unlike the Selfish Seamstress herself. Other than that, there are some not-so-interesting garments that I’m not picturing here, so that I can dedicate more space to a couple of  WTF garments:

Ohhhh I hope the pattern is for the basic and practical straight skirt because I don’t understand what’s going on on top there and I suspect I would not like it better were it not completely obscured by the rose bouquet. Because I don’t want to think about what’s happening if Burda is venturing into the “shoulderless cape” territory.  If they do it once, they will do it several times in the months to come. Actually, if you invite me to your wedding, I will come wearing this exact outfit. Come on, isn’t that worth an invite??? Plus I’m a crazy lady on the dance floor. 

However, no amount of cake and wheedling could get me into this:

Sweet jeebus WHAT IS THAT? Is it a shrug?  Is it a vest? For convenience’s sake, we will call it a “shrest.”  That stand collar is taking it over the edge.  Or maybe the navy leopard print is taking it over the edge. Or the double pleat chinos she’s wearing with it. The edge is now so far behind it, it’s impossible to say what exactly pushed it.

I actually don’t hate this outfit.  I just hate this photo because I get the feeling that the model has dirty socks and empty cracker boxes all over the room and I would really like her to tell her that SHOES DO NOT BELONG ON THE BED. And mostly this photo upsets me because when I look at it I become my mom and that scares me a little.

As is often the case, the best outfit in Burda is one of the Plusmode numbers. Granted, I’m not so much into sewing formalwear, but isn’t this ensemble lovely:

Look at the portrait collar on that coat!  The 3/4 bell sleeves! I’m imagining what the draping on the bodice looks like and in my head, it’s very very good. Doesn’t hurt that it’s paired with the bag and the shoes, a cart full of Louis Vuitton suitcases and that guy. I may have to try drafting this in my size.

Now I know you’re all waiting with baited breath for me to start ripping on the crafts, but….

They’re pretty unobjectionable.  I mean, I guess the idea of putting a lone Easter egg in a bell jar is a little wacky, but other than that…. sunny painted eggs and bunny cutouts aren’t much for me to work with here. I’m starting to wonder if maybe they sacked the previous crafts editor?

Oh no wait, sorry, I found her. She just switched departments and is now doing the oh-so-superfluous feature on clothing embellishment:

Egad. This crafty clothing section is rapidly becoming my least favorite feature in Burda, the part where they hot glue random bits of lace and feathers and chiffon on unsuspecting, otherwise innocuous pieces of clothing. The first one is an exercise in couching which I guess is intended to cash in on the current marching band jacket trend in a very low rent way? And the second one is um. There are no words.

And that’s this month’s Burda forecast. I’ll be waiting eagerly by my mailbox for your wedding invite, hand hemming my shoulderless cape!