Readers, as you may know, the Selfish Seamstress does not contribute to the lovey-dovey feel-good world of sewing blogs. She feeds on strife and animosity and is therefore pleased to bring you a new recurring feature called “Selfish Seamstress Nemesis,” in which she will rip apart and humiliate other sewers and sewing bloggers out of spite and envy. Up first: Peter in NYC, a.k.a. “Advanced Beginner Nemesis,” a.k.a. “Guy Nemesis.”
Many of you may know Peter in NYC from Pattern Review. He has recently started a hilarious blog of his own, which the Selfish Seamstress can only interpret as a hostile and aggressive tactic directed squarely at her. Why she interprets it this way, she can’t really say. Mostly she just needs an excuse to rail on Peter in a public forum. So here are some of the reasons why I have decided to upgrade Peter in NYC from mere Fellow Sewer to Selfish Seamstress Nemesis:
1) Peter in NYC started sewing a paltry six months ago and yet his workmanship and precision are already outstanding. That jerk. A mere three months into his new hobby, he up and made this:
Yes. That is a lined jacket. With collar and welt pockets. ARGH. How long did it take the Selfish Seamstress before she even worked up the nerve to try a buttonhole! Wipe that smug grin off your face, Peter.
2) As far as I can tell, Peter in NYC never spends more than pocket change on fabric and yet his clothes never have that crafty made-it-myself-out-of-old-quilts look. He relies on old bedsheets, and sometimes even fabric he finds in the trash (apparently in his neighborhood, entire bolts of silk knit count as trash), with an occasional splurge at the $2/yard section of actual fabric stores. And still, the results are envy-inducing and fantastic. ARGH! Check out this bedsheet number:
Why is it that if I make something from bedsheet it looks like something from Mama’s Family, whereas Peter’s shirt probably has hipster kids begging to buy it off of him as he walks down the street?
3) Apparently a couple of months of sewing experience is enough for perfect plaid alignment if you’re fancy schmancy smarty pants Peter:
And as if that weren’t enough, should I mention as well that he’s a topstitching fiend?
4) Finally, as if all this technical skill weren’t enough, I should also mention that the man can design womenswear. His enviably long-legged “identical cousin Cathy” is the frequent model of his gorgeously chic creations, as featured in stunning and artistic photo shoots. What seamstress in her right mind wouldn’t snap up this pattern if McCall’s put it out?
Peter in NYC had better watch his back; the Selfish Seamstress is not someone you want as your enemy. For more reasons to despise and envy him, check out his riotously funny new blog, Male Pattern Boldness. Leave nasty comments on it and tell him the Selfish Seamstress sent you! Mwahaha!
[Think YOU should be a Selfish Seamstress nemesis? Let me know! I’ll fight with you too. I’ll fight with ALL of you!]
58 comments
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January 26, 2010 at 12:33 am
Sue
Oh Heavens! I agree!! This is just SOOO unfair!!!! And verges on smugness!! Why would any of us have any sympathy for him at all? Why would any woman??!! What I can’t understand is how his identical cousin Cathy can put up with him? Is it that some women will put up with anything if someone will make a DVF for them??
Hilarious blog – thanks for pointing it out!
January 26, 2010 at 1:29 am
Trudy Callan
I laughed through this whole post. You are hilarious. I just love you. I wish I could get away with being so outspoken.
January 26, 2010 at 1:34 am
inkstain
Yes, this “obnoxious” Peter gave me a slavish compliment on my camel bathrobe coat on patternreview. I thought, who is this dude person invading my space just to make me feel good on a down day? Why would he want to lavish me with praise? He’s a guy, and he’s not supposed to notice if I even washed my face that morning.
Hilarious blog, I check it every morning. Could you give us a couple of haikus about neighbours who think that in addition to hemming their skirts, you should also be their go-to tech person whenever their modem fails?
January 26, 2010 at 9:02 am
selfishseamstress
For me, if it’s not the modem, it’s the printer. Because obviously I have extensive background in printer repair, right? :)
January 26, 2010 at 1:57 am
yoshimi
It’s too funny, I’m sick in bed now but can’t stop laughing. Mwahaha…
January 26, 2010 at 3:38 am
jan
Oh he’s your nemesis alright — he’ll sew for “just about anyone who asks!”
But we still love your blog!
January 26, 2010 at 4:13 am
Jana
Cathy is a man… but is it himself, dressed as a woman or what?! :D
January 26, 2010 at 9:09 am
selfishseamstress
This is truly the greatest mystery of the online sewing world. Only Peter and “Cathy” know for sure.
January 30, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Jana
Well, I looked at his blog today and I think I know for sure too :)
January 26, 2010 at 4:55 am
Mae
Ooops, not very selfish- you made my day when you introduced me to Peter. I love him and Cathy. I wish I had such a glamorous cousin.
January 26, 2010 at 5:47 am
Mimi
Love it and you are a riot! You make me smile everyday when there is a new post from you. I guess there must be some form of “evil” in me to enjoy your posting so much. Muahahah!!!
January 26, 2010 at 5:54 am
Kerry
My fiance loves Peter…he looks forward to Peter’s story boards detailing Cathy’s escapades. Although I envy Peter’s talent, he appears to be a lot more accepted by the estrogen fueled sewing bloggers of the world….I think it’s because he’s a guy. If he were a woman, new to sewing with this particular level of aptitude, he’d probably be dead by now, or at least blackballed from Patternreview.
The girls on PR don’t take kindly to any one who is new to sewing and better than they are, unless that person is a guy. Then it’s OK.
Have you met his buddy Brian?
http://www.briansews.com/
He’ll be next on your hate list…(I love Brian and Peter…they keep me grounded in the popularity contest/lunchroom cool girls table world of Sewing Blogs)
January 26, 2010 at 9:08 am
selfishseamstress
Hehehe. Don’t worry. I’ve got it out for the ladies too. LOTS of them. I plan to take them down one by one through aggressive blogging.
I’m not sure if you’re joking or not though about PR and talented newbies. I have to admit, I spend very little time on PR on anything other than reviews and occasionally looking at contests. I rarely read the discussions unless there’s something specific I’m trying to find. Is there really a lot of lady-on-lady bullying?? Cuz if so, I kind of want to see it :) Maybe I could pick up a few tricks.
And never you mind about the cute and popular lunchroom crowd. You and I can sit in the corner together with our headgear and share our PB&J while other people throw spitballs at us.
January 27, 2010 at 10:43 am
Meredith P
Nah! PR is the most supportive place there is for sew-ers of all experience levels. She was definitely kidding. Although it is true that the boy-sewers do get attention, because, well, they are boys and we delight in their company.
Love your rending of Peter from seam to seam. And I’ll bet he did too. And thanks, I didn’t realize he had started a blog. Yet one more reason for computer use and not sewing!
January 26, 2010 at 6:15 am
Auntie Allyn
The audacity of this man! He must be crushed into submission! (seriously, though, cripes, his work is awe-inspiring!!!)
January 26, 2010 at 6:15 am
Sue
Cathy is a man?!??? With legs like that??!?!?? Surely not?!?!?!?
January 26, 2010 at 6:25 am
beangirl
Oh hey cool! I didn’t know he had a blog, that’s so awesome! Thanks so much for giving me the link, now I have something to read… er… I mean…
Yeah. That guy. He’s bad.
January 26, 2010 at 6:31 am
Melanie
Love, love, love this! This is my favorite side of you. Yea — for more nemesis — nemeses?!
January 26, 2010 at 6:51 am
Erica B.
Forget his sewing skills. I hate him simply for the amazing photo essays! I barely have time sewing and throw a blog post/review together! LOL Love Peter!
January 26, 2010 at 6:53 am
boundingdog
going out on a limb here, but just guessing that he cooks too and his crepes are probably lighter and thinner than I can ever hope to make, and Cathy probably eats Skittles all day and never gains a pound! Ahhh, the life of the truly gifted (much like you.) Love you all, thanks for making sewing my favorite spectator sport.
January 26, 2010 at 6:55 am
kathleen
He just started sewing and his stuff already looks this good? Curse you, Peter in NY!
January 26, 2010 at 7:57 am
Jennifer
Ok. He’s just trying to make me feel bad! Please, chew him up and spit him out!
January 26, 2010 at 8:41 am
amber
Love this post! Peter is such an inspiration and yes, sort of hate-worthy at the same time. ;) Thanks for highlighting his blog – I hadn’t realized he started one.
January 26, 2010 at 9:24 am
Clare
I bet he has a little sweatshop of nimble-fingered children putting together those clothes. HOW is his top-stitching that good after 6 months? HOW has he perfected plaid matching in so short a time? I will look at his blog to see what other skills he has *apparently* acquired in six months!
January 26, 2010 at 9:39 am
Nancy K
Hilarious. I’ve met Peter and he really just goes for it and isn’t intimidated by his lack of experience.
January 26, 2010 at 11:02 am
Christy
Wow, he is amazing. On his site he says:
“I sew for myself, for my partner, Michael, for my dogs, and for just about anyone who asks!”
HUH? He sews this amazingly and is willing to sew for JUST ABOUT ANYONE WHO ASKS? He is making us selfish seamstresses look even worse than we are. I bet he returns hemming projects back within the hour. Oh that guy!!
January 26, 2010 at 11:11 am
Angela
Hahaha.. this is so funny! I’m glad I can now read his blog as well. I can’t wait to see who your next nemesis is!
January 26, 2010 at 11:28 am
Skooks
Hilarious. I only recently started posting reviews on PR and he’s commented on a few. I was thinking, “who is this dude?” SO funny to hear your commentary on him.
And I am NOWHERE near as good as he is. :P
January 26, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Deb
Oh my goodness, his skills are totally worthy of the envy and ire! :)
January 26, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Dei
How dare he! Upstart! Let me find his blog and post something snarky.
January 26, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Laura Georgina
AND he seems nice and sweet and witty! The nerve, coming in and rocking Selfish Seamstress’s world!
Will you be fighting him bare-handed, or with sewing implements? Because I think you would be a quiet killer with the seam ripper…. or just hurl the entire sewing machine, if that fails. (I’ve got fond memories of MTV’s defunct Celebrity Deathmatch, in case you can’t tell)
January 26, 2010 at 1:54 pm
selfishseamstress
I have some bent pins set aside just in case, but in truth the Selfish Seamstress much prefers slow, drawn out emotional warfare. So much classier than going at someone with pinking shears.
January 26, 2010 at 12:42 pm
erin
the nerve!
and to think, NOW i’m going to have to SUBSCRIBE to this nonsense! ;)
January 26, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Clio
A most worthy adversary!
January 26, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Tailypo
I have been spitting nails over that David and his damnable prodigious sewing skills and charm for months now — thank you for affirming all that is loathsome about him.
However I am in a terrible bind because the next PR member I want you to take down a peg is in fact YOU. You with your adorable little black dress winner, which I voted for but still cursed to high heaven, what with the daring collar and successful execution. I can’t stand that elainemay with her knack for finding awesome stylish potential in dopey looking patterns like Simplicity 2473. And her great eye for fabric and ability to fit for her adorable little figure, and her 42 followers after only nine reviews. Get her. GET HER!
January 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm
selfishseamstress
The Selfish Seamstress is a first class bitch, I can’t argue with you there. Except that I can because I can argue with ANYONE. Take that!
January 26, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Gertie
Yeah, well this post is so funny and well-written that I’m making you MY nemisis! Why do you have to be so awesome, huh??? Who’s the jerk NOW?
And yeah, that top stitching is bananas.
January 26, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Trudy Callan
What a nice surprise to see that you visited my blog. Thanks. I don’t know if you are aware of this, but there is also another giveaway that you may want to be a part of. It is held twice a year. There will be another one in the spring, probably March or April. It is hosted by Sew Mama Sew. I have Sew Mama Sew on my blog list if you can’t find it. It’s really awesome. I usually get quite a few followers from that giveaway. It’s even better for us because it is mostly sewers who participate.
Anyway, I am loving your blog and your sassy attitude. Hope you’ll pop in now and then and say hi.
January 26, 2010 at 1:35 pm
meli88a
This has to be one of the funniest posts you’ve written so far! When are you going to challenge him to a duel?
January 26, 2010 at 1:55 pm
selfishseamstress
Dueling is a little too honorable for my taste. I’m a bigger fan of backstabbing.
January 26, 2010 at 1:46 pm
peter
Hey, kids — Barbecue at my blog, 5 pm tomorrow!
See you there and don’t forget to bring your Ginghers.
P.S. – Elaine, I love you!
January 26, 2010 at 1:58 pm
selfishseamstress
I don’t understand. What does “love” mean when applied to a person, rather than to a fabric, pattern, or garment? The Selfish Seamstress cannot parse your postscript.
Wait a second… what is that strange twitchy feeling in the empty space in my chest where most people have a heart? Is it…. could it be….
Ooops. Sorry. Turns out it was just a belch.
I can’t believe you would show your face here, Nemesis! :D
January 26, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Skooks
LOL. I’m SO glad Peter commented on this post. This whole stream of comments is making me laugh so hard.
January 26, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Karima
I just love this blog. LOL,LOL,LOL!
January 26, 2010 at 5:52 pm
PatternJunkie
Evil Peter needs his own haiku! No — an entire ring cycle of haikus!
As for me, I have a whole list of nemeses — or, as I more commonly call them, “people who make me feel unworthy.” You Peters and Selfish Seamstresses and Gerties and Tailypos — you know what you all have in common? You ACTUALLY SEW. Wouldn’t you all be happier stuck in an endless loop of pattern and fabric contemplation?
January 26, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Sewjourner
F.U., Peter!
January 26, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Samantha
Not sure what is going on…I think he is buying ready made stuff,finding a pattern resembling the stuff and posting it as his own…
January 26, 2010 at 9:13 pm
peter
Curses, foiled again!
January 26, 2010 at 7:56 pm
juebejue
oh my goodness, you people crack me up.
just wait a few month Elaine, when i take a break from sewing I’ll start a blog and I will find a way to squeeze my way onto your nemesis list :)
talking about that, how do you sew AND blog AND be an engineer AND be a girl friend AND be so awesome at the same time? maybe you should post a blog about your time management — i need some tips, im getting tired of my fiance complaining about me sacrificing sex time for sewing time :P
January 27, 2010 at 4:51 am
miss-g
Peter is a freak of nature and he’s going on my favourites list. (Sorry SS!)
January 27, 2010 at 7:16 am
Lindsay T
Great post! I’ve subscribed to Peter’s blog now thanks to you. He’s a fellow New Yorker, after all.
January 27, 2010 at 10:32 am
Sigrid
Hilarious, haven’t commented often here yet, but read your posts. Thank you for your different way of describing sewing projects and a great thank you for introducing me to another hilarious blog. Keep going!
January 27, 2010 at 11:52 am
Amy
Haha…yeah, that Peter ought to be taken down a notch or ten. Imagine, just six months of sewing behind him and he has the nerve to make such irritatingly fantastic things…and create those irritatingly entertaining photo essays.
January 27, 2010 at 12:54 pm
pendlestitches
Ok…I’m selling my sewing machine. All that and cute too. Not fair.
(Retreats to corner to sulk in a most undignified manner.)
January 27, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Gorgeous Things
His identical cousin Cathy is a skinny rich beyotch who only dresses so well because he designs for her!
:D
Seriously, he does great work. I don’t contribute to the touchy feel-good tripe on sewing sites either, but now that he has a blog I might actually comment once in a while.
I know some nemises (nemesissies?) I would love to see you take on (and embarrass) in a cage match, but I don’t want to name names.
February 8, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Selfish Seamstress Nemesis: Lauriana « The Selfish Seamstress
[…] Yoshimi, Lauriana has not hurled insults at the Selfish Seamstress from every angle. Unlike nemesis Peter, Lauriana has not started a blog solely intended to destroy the Selfish Seamstress. However, the […]
June 14, 2010 at 11:44 am
Rachael
Hi –
You guys are hilarious. I know this is off the subject, but was wondering if any of you know a good seamstress/patternmaker who could sew me a dress from a photograph?
I sew, but this one is beyond my abilities. I’m looking to make a calico-style sundress in the vintage 70’s Gunne Sax style with a corset-style top. I have the fabric, I just need some talented sewing genius mamma to help me make it happen.
I will definitely pay – anyone need to make some extra cash, has the skills to do this to my measurements???
June 14, 2010 at 11:45 am
Rachael
oh yes, and how lives in the NYC area???